Editing Work final draft

Editing Gaby and Esopam

Gabriella slammed the cubicle door shut and started to cry. She never wanted to go out of that bathroom again in the rest of her miserable life. No more hearing the words "drug addict" or "coke sniffer" said about her. She did not want to go to school ever again.

Earlier that morning, every werewolf at school had been scowling at her and looking at her weirdly. All of the people were whispering "that's the girl who was caught yesterday sniffing cocaine after hours". Gaby did not understand what they were talking about, for she was in a surfing national championship at that time. However, the bullies at school still laughed at her and insulted her when any possibility presented itself.

Confused about everyone's peculiar attitude, she went to ask her best friend Ashley what people were talking about. Ashley was just as confused as Gaby since they were together in the ocean competing for the national championship. But, she had heard that there was a rumor that she was caught sniffing cocaine after hours the day earlier.
Now, after a day of bullying and rumors, Gaby is in the bathroom cubicle unwilling to leave.
---
Gaby is in bed awake crying (you would think that werewolves do not sleep, but that is just a common mistake made from the outside world).She had just been in a fight with her parents. They think she did smoke cocaine after hours and they do not trust her anymore. Gaby reminded them that she was in the surfing championship but they still wouldn't believe her. Of all the people in the world, Gaby thought it was her parents who would understand that it was just a stupid rumor. Apparently, they didn’t. After a few hours of lying awake she gives in to sleep. In her sleep, she receives a message from the Goddess of Rumors, Esopam.

"Gabriella, you have now seen what happens to little disrespectful girls when they mess with me. It is I who has created the rumor of your drug addiction. It is I who has filled all minds on your drug addiction. It is I who has felt disrespected and dishonored for you cursing at me the last month. It is I, who in order to get revenge, has made your social life miserable. I now advise you to offer me a gift in order to negotiate a resolution to this little issue of yours. You see Gabriella; I am the only goddess who dislikes having haters and is willing to negotiate peaceful solutions to teenager social lives. I will be awaiting an answer."
---
Gaby woke up puzzled by her preposterous dream. Did Goddess Esopam visit her in her sleep? Was she really that insulted when Gaby cursed at her last month?

It happened a Sunday the month before. Ashley was suffering because a group of girls spread a rumor against her. She had cried an entire ocean because the whole school had found out and she felt embarrassed. Gaby, trying to make Ashley feel better, cursed at the Goddess Esopam and said she was unfair and stupid.

If this was why the Goddess created the rumor, Gaby would have to find a way to be forgiven.

Gaby started to think what she could offer the goddess. She already donates 100 weekly dollars to the UNICEF children’s fund, so that will not be a way out. After a lot of thinking, she finally decides what she will do. She will pray for the Goddess every day and she will offer delicious food for her. In the prayers, Gaby begs Esopam to please forgive her and to eliminate the rumors in her school, Flying Hills Middle School For Werewolves.

After a week of offerings and prayers, the Goddess visits Gaby again in her sleep. This time she says that she appreciates the prayers and offerings but that will not be enough to fulfill the bargain. She needs something else, something "that involves sacrifice".
The teenager started to think what the Goddess was referring to. Something that involves sacrifice? Did the goddess want her to kill her puppy in an offering mode to the goddess? No, definitely not that. Does the sacrifice involve her? She now knew the consequence of insulting a Goddess.

Gaby knew what the Goddess was referring to. She knew that this was for the greater good and there was no other way of saving her social life. She would have to do it.

That night Gaby went to her room to pray for Esopam. "O Goddess, I know I have insulted you and I have faced my consequence. Now, I am willing to make the sacrifice you expected of me. I am willing to swear to my own death that I will not whine, complain or insult in the rest of my short, insignificant life. Please, Goddess, accept my offerings and eliminate all rumors in Flying Hills Middle School For Werewolves."

And after that, Gabriella went to sleep.
---
The next day at school, the weirdest thing happened. Everyone was acting normally; there were neither insults nor murmurs traveling around the hallway. All the girls were wishing her well in her surfing championship. All day Gaby was waiting for a mocking tone from a bully, or an insult from a girl, even a weird look from a teacher, but nothing like this occurred.

She went home feeling happy and normal. Her parents treated her as usual, greeted her with, “what did you learn at school today, Gaby”, and life was back to normal. It was then when Gaby knew that she could never complain again for the negotiation had worked.

Gaby went to bed and the only thing she said this night was, “Thank you Goddess”.

Feedback on Novel Project

Input on Alejandro Samper's Project PUT YOUR PROJECT IN THE NOVEL SECTION
1.0-1.5
Good job! There are certain things I would recommend. The first, put the parts of speech of the words and also, for future projects, remember to put words that you really don't know. For example awkward, is a word that I am sure you knew.
2.0
Remember that Ms. Shawn will be checking that you underline the word you changed. Ex. In the word awkward, underline inconvenient.
2.5
Instead of saying that your third category is "just other words", I recommend you put something like "refering to an object or thing" (nouns) and "the description of an object" (adjective)
3.0
I really liked the introduction and how you used any way you could to do this work. I would recommend not to give a whole summary. Just enough so the person is interested or gets hooked in the story. Give recommendations. Things you like and don't like about the book, who will be interested in the story, and just the first parragraph of the story.

read the original article at  http://hippieheavenblog.blogspot.com/ 

Novel Step 4.0

Step 1-1.5

Definitions
1: adj. awkward. An Inconvenient or strange situation
2: n. frenzy. A sudden fit of anger and no control.
3: adj. basal. To form at base.
4: adj. consanguineous. From the same blood.
5: n. pong. A stinking smell.
6: n. ghetto. A poor neighborhood in which some people are restricted into.
7: n. omphalos. A central point
8: adj. ulterior. Intentionally concealed and kept secret.
9: n. wordlore. The study of words and derivations
10: v. Linger. To stay somewhere longer than expected.
11: n. ghoul. A grave robber from oriental mythology.
12: n. pace. A rate of movement
13: n. lemon law. A law that makes car manufacturers replace defective machines.
14: adj. minacious. Threatening
15: n. Jerba. An island at the southeast coast of Tunisia
16: v. dribble. To advance a ball or pick with a series of small kicks or pushes.
17: adj. legitimate. Following the rules
18: adj. horrendous. Shockingly
19: adj. englacial. That it was once inside a glacier.
20: adj. sole. Being the only one
21: n. glacialist. A person who studies the movement of glaciers.
22: n. glaciologist. A glacialist
23: v. glaciate. To cover with glaciers
24: n. glace. Ice put in drinks to cool them down.
25: n. glacier. A frozen river flowing down a mountain.

Step 2
1: awkward. That inconvenient moment when you go for the high five and your friend goes for the fist pump. 
2: frenzy. A boy in the park had an amazing and uncontrollable anger fit when his ice cream fell. 
3: basal. That pyramid was formed at base. 
4: consanguineous. King Henry VIII was of the same blood as Queen Elizabeth. 
5: pong. That fart was a stinking smell. 
6: ghetto. That poor hobo worked far from his area where he is secluded from society. 
7: omphalos. My central point is my belly button. 
8: ulterior. That piece of information is intentionally kept quiet and secret. 
9: wordlore. The teacher studied words and their derivations. 
10: Linger. Although the party ended at 2:00 many people stayed longer than expected. 
11: ghoul. The dead sensei was victim of the grave robbing demon from oriental mythology. 
12: pace. In FIFA 12, Theo Walcott has 96 rate of movement. 
13: lemon law. Honda lost a lot of money because people abused of the law that forced car manufacturers to change bad factory material. 
14: minacious. The black clouds were threatening a hurricane. 
15: Jerba. In my vacations, my family and I went to an island off the coast of Tunisia. 
16: dribble. In soccer we have to kick repeatedly to control the ball. 
17: legitimate. Playing a game without cheats is following the rules. 
18: horrendous. The pink car was shockingly disgraceful. 
19: englacial. The Frozen man was once inside a glacier. 
20: sole. The old man was the only one in the café. 
21: glacialist. According to the person who studies glaciers, the Frozen Man was young. 
22: glaciologist. The glacialist was called Morgan Freeman. 
23: glaciate. Mother Earth was going to cover the mountain with glaciers. 
24: glace. I ordered water with ice to cool it down. 
25: glacier. In Chile there are many beautiful frozen rivers flowing down a mountain.


Step 2.5


I will divide my words into five groups. The first group is words that have to do with ice. Their root word is glaci-. The second group will have to do with physical characteristics. The third will be the words that describe things. The fourth will be words that are actions. The fifth will be words that are things. 

1. Glaci-
glacier.
glace.
glaciate.
glaciologist.
glacialist.
englacial.

2. Physical Characteristics.
Dribble.
Pace.

3. Descriptive Words.
awkward.
basal
consanguineous
ulterior
minacious
legitimate
sole.
horrendous


4. Actions. 
linger


5. Things
pong
ghetto
omphalos
wordlore
ghoul
lemon law
Jerba
frenzy


Step 3.0

My book "The Mysterious Object" was about glaciology: the study of glaciers. It was about a boy who lived in the foots of the Chilean Andes Mounains. This area is known for making the top quality glace. One day, he found an englacial body. Of course, the body was dead, but it had something that was really mysterious. It was a piece of paper with a phone number in it. What was strange was that, according to glaciologist Bob Smith, in the time of the man there were no cell phones. 

The body was from the time that the weather was glaciating every mountain. It was very well preserved because it was frozen. However, the body emitted a horrendous pong. It was awkward putting it inside museum car because the smell was horrible. The owner of the car abused of the lemon law and demanded the car company to give him another one since the "bad smell was the car's fault".

Oscar, the boy who found the frozen man, couldnt contain his curiosity and called the number. A person in a ghetto of Jerba answered. His name was Mohammed Gupda. Mohammed listened to the story about the frozen man and almost died of a heart attack. According to a legend of his family there was a ghoul who raided the tomb of the frozen man's family.

The whole story is how Oscar goes to Jerba to find that ghoul. He and the glacialist Smith try and try to find it.  But they never do.

I would reccomend this story to anybody who is willing to read long adventure books. This is not the best book of all time but it is very entertaining. Also, you will learn many new things about Jerba's culture, Oriental mythology, South American geography and glaciers. 

Novel Project Step 3.5

Ana Maria Samper

Step 1-1.5
You should have put which part of speech each word is. Everything else is great.

Step 2.0
Some of the sentences do not have the correct word use in them. Like in the second sentence, relented is used as accepted, but that is not the definiton of relented.

Step 2.5
I liked the way you organized it. However, it could have been better to do a table of some sort.

Step 3.0
Please put the title of the book in the passage. It was good that you put the words in bold. Also, I liked the way you put recommendations.

Novel. Project Step 3

I read a book about World War II. In my easy book, there were no words that I didn't understand that is why I went in the dictionary and found 25 words that I didn't understand. These words had nothing to do with my World War II book, so that is why I am going to make a review on an imaginary book with twelve of my vocabulary words. 

Review on Book.

My book "The Mysterious Object" was about glaciology: the study of glaciers. It was about a boy who lived in the foots of the Chilean Andes Mounains. This area is known for making the top quality glace. One day, he found an englacial body. Of course, the body was dead, but it had something that was really mysterious. It was a piece of paper with a phone number in it. What was strange was that, according to glaciologist Bob Smith, in the time of the man there were no cell phones. 

The body was from the time that the weather was glaciating every mountain. It was very well preserved because it was frozen. However, the body emitted a horrendous pong. It was awkward putting it inside museum car because the smell was horrible. The owner of the car abused of the lemon law and demanded the car company to give him another one since the "bad smell was the car's fault".

Oscar, the boy who found the frozen man, couldnt contain his curiosity and called the number. A person in a ghetto of Jerba answered. His name was Mohammed Gupda. Mohammed listened to the story about the frozen man and almost died of a heart attack. According to a legend of his family there was a ghoul who raided the tomb of the frozen man's family.

The whole story is how Oscar goes to Jerba to find that ghoul. He and the glacialist Smith try and try to find it.  But they never do.  

Novel Project Step 2.5

I will divide my words into three groups. The first group is words that have to do with ice. Their root word is glaci-. The second group will have to do with physical characteristics. The third will be the other words.

1. Glaci-
glacier.
glace.
glaciate.
glaciologist.
glacialist.
englacial.

2. Physical Characteristics.
Dribble.
Pace.

3. Other Words.
awkward.
frenzy
basal
consanguineous
pong
ghetto
omphalos
ulterior
wordlore
linger
ghoul
lemon law
Jerba
minacious
legitimate
horrendous
sole.

Novel Project Step 2

Step 2
1: awkward. That inconvenient moment when you go for the high five and your friend goes for the fist pump.
2: frenzy. A boy in the park had an amazing I uncontrollable anger fit when his ice cream fell.
3: basal. That pyramid was formed at base.
4: consanguineous. King Henry VIII was of the same blood as Queen Elizabeth.
5: pong. That fart was a stinking smell.
6: ghetto. That poor hobo worked far from his area where he is secluded from society.
7: omphalos. My central point is my belly button.
8: ulterior. That piece of information is intentionally kept quiet and secret.
9: wordlore. The teacher studied words and their derivations.
10: Linger. Although the party ended at 2:00 many people stayed longer than expected.
11: ghoul. The dead sensei was victim of the grave robbing demon from oriental mythology.
12: pace. In FIFA 12, Theo Walcott has 96 rate of movement.
13: lemon law. Honda lost a lot of money because people abused of the law that forced car manufacturers to change bad factory material.
14: minacious. The black clouds were threatening a hurricane.
15: Jerba. In my vacations, my family and I went to an island off the coast of Tunisia.
16: dribble. In soccer we have to kick repeatedly to control the ball.
17: legitimate. Playing a game without cheats is following the rules.
18: horrendous. The pink car was shockingly disgraceful.
19: englacial. The Frozen man was once inside a glacier.
20: sole. The old man was the only one in the café.
21: glacialist. According to the person who studies glaciers, the Frozen Man was young.
22: glaciologist. The glacialist was called Morgan Freeman.
23: glaciate. Mother Earth was going to cover the mountain with glaciers.
24: glace. I ordered water with ice to cool it down.
25: glacier. In Chile there are many beautiful frozen rivers flowing down a mountain.

Novel Project Steps 1-1.5

Definitions
1: awkward. An Inconvenient or strange situation
2: frenzy. A sudden fit of anger and no control.
3: basal. To form at base.
4: consanguineous. From the same blood.
5: pong. A stinking smell.
6: ghetto. A poor neighborhood in which some people are restricted into.
7: omphalos. A central point
8: ulterior. Intentionally concealed and kept secret.
9: wordlore. The study of words and derivations
10: Linger. To stay somewhere longer than expected.
11: ghoul. A grave robber from oriental mythology.
12: pace. A rate of movement
13: lemon law. A law that makes car manufacturers replace defective machines.
14: minacious. Threatening
15: Jerba. An island at the southeast coast of Tunisia
16: dribble. To advance a ball or pick with a series of small kicks or pushes.
17: legitimate. Following the rules
18: horrendous. Shockingly
19: englacial. That it was once inside a glacier.
20: sole. Being the only one
21: glacialist. A person who studies the movement of glaciers.
22: glaciologist. A glacialist
23: glaciate. To cover with glaciers
24: glace. Ice put in drinks to cool them down.
25: glacier. A frozen river flowing down a mountain.

Peer Questions and Answers

Will the school be like El Fontan?
Yes, but for elite, smart students.

How will you manage the teachers and classes?
A the student needs to have had an appointment with the teacher beforehand.

Will you somehow mix subjects?
No.

What my portfolio says about me

What my portfolio says about me

When a random person sees my portfolio, I believe they will see a multitasking person who loves to do many different things. Also, I think what he will mainly see is that I do many projects in my English class.

I hope some day my portfolio will picture me exactly as I am, but right now it doesn't since it does not have more than ten posts. Portfolios are used to show the world what you are. I want mine to do exactly that and, as a byproduct, allow some universities to see the person I am in order to allow me into their facilities. I am just an 8th grader, but now as I enter High School I have to start thinking about my future.

That is what I want people to see in my portfolio. I guarantee that in the course of my next four years I will keep on adding to that portfolio so that when I graduate some people will know exactly what person I am.

Script For School Change

Have you ever felt that you don’t want to go to your next class? That you just aren’t willing to travel to that boring math class? Well we have and we mean to change it.

Today, students feel unmotivated by the constant boredom of their routine. They feel pressured by their teachers and superiors. FreeSkedule Schools plan to change these problems.

FreeSkedule will be a school with a liberty of schedules. This means that the students will be able to manage their schedules and their curriculums according to their interests. Nevertheless, they will require a minimum amount of hours per class in order to get a full credit for the class.

In FreeSkedule schools, there is one tutor per five students, who decide what they want to learn at the time they want. They can decide what to learn, if they accomplish the minimum tasks and hours they are expected to complete for each class.

Here we have: (*blank), a student who will share with us a full day in the new school. How are you (*blank)?

Hey! Thank you for inviting me. FreeSkedule has changed my life as a student, but more important, as a learner. I can now decide when I want to learn the information required and the extra one I can decide if I want to learn it or not.

Comments on Myth

Adult

I liked the story. I enjoyed reading it. It was a bit confusing and not well presented. You should work on organized ideas, because I know what you are trying to say, but you are not saying it very well. 

Pedro

Great story. It was very creative. The only thing I would uggest is to change the word smoker with sniffer and

add new expressions. 

Ana

I loved your story. It was very entertaining but very confusing. I would suggest making it less confusing by changing the sentence structure and the adjectives. 

Portfolio Feedback

Greg Goldemberg

I liked your portfolio so far. It is obvious that you have not finished it, but you are in a good track. Finish all of the assignments and then it will be perfect.

Siting Sources for Images

Images also have to be sited from where you got it from.
There are 3 things to have in them:
1.Person or company who originally owned it
2.Link to image
3. Kind of copyright.

5 things of our School

1) Our school will teach all the subjects normally and with exceptionally good teachers.
2) It is designed to teach people how to be responsible with time and the classes.
3) Students will require a minimum amount of classes of each subject at the end of the semester.
4) They will be expected to have arranged their classes at least 2 days earlier.
5) There will be the option of enrolling themselves in a virtual school for the advantage of not having to go to school in order to learn.

Answer Questions

What needs does the change that you want to make address?

The liberty of students, organize themselves, learn to manage their time in order to become more respectful. The concentration of students is solved since they can chose what to concentrate on because of their election.

Why would teachers, students, administrators, and parents be motivated to make this change?

STUDENTS: because they will be able to manage their schedule and decide when. Take free time when they need it.

TEACHERS: they have more motivated students, have a better class.

PARENTS: would be able to program appointments and more time for family time and after-school  enriching activities.

ADMINISTRATORS: students will want to enroll in this institute (more $$$) but only great ones will enter. This will make the school elite and an excellent one.

Portfolio Outline per Section

Sociales

In this class I learn all about the history and geography of Colombia. It is a very entertaining class since we debate some issues, learn about the modern problems and we fully understand the state in which Colombia is today. Also, it is one of the few classes that assigns projects that are fun to do and challenging.

Español

En esta clase aprendo todo sobre la gramatica y escritura del idioma español. Mi profesora no es la mas interesante, pero igual enseña muy bien. Este año el mejor proyecto que he hecho en esta clase ha sido un video sobre FIFA 12, que lo hice con un amigo. Esta clase me ha ayudado significativamente a entender todo sobre el idioma español.

English

In Hippie Paradise, we learn all our english material through technology. Our teacher teaches us new tech tools each class so that our virtual lives will be easier. It is one of the best classes I have since the environment is great, I learn a lot, and it is completely different than the other classes I have.

Math

I am in an advanced class with only 5 students, so this is probably the class in which I most learn. Even though we only learn through homeworks and no projects, in this class I have advanced my mathematical learning inmensly. That is why I like this class.

Social Studies

In this class I have learned about important historical civilizations such as Egypt, Mesopotamia, Macedonia, Greece, Rome, Byzantine Empire, Islam and the Medieval and Feudal Europe. We learn through a variety of projects and Power Points. I really like this class.

Science

Here we learn all about science.We learn about physics, chemistry and biology. It is a great class because we do labs and projects that are very fun to do.

Book Review

Talk about a character in the book
Put quotes from the book that were interesting.
Talk about a theme of the book.
How the book made me feel.
Part of the book that I enjoyed the most.
Have to make a recommendation. Who would enjoy reading it? Why?

Siting a Source for Images

Tell what person or company originally owned the image.
A link to the image.
Kind of copyright.

What I Will Rewrite

I will rewrite my middle school myth that I did at the beginning of the year simply because I want to see my progress in writing throughout the whole year. Also, I will like to edit that piece of work because, frankly, I believe it's not the best.

I will do it by adding new ideas, vocabulary and details that could enrich the work. This will show my learning throughout the year.

Elements of Storytelling

Elements of storytelling

Point of View
Who will tell the story

A dramatic question
Capture the attention. Answer as you tell the story

Make audience care
Emotions, feelings , memories

Voice
Personality

Soundtrack
Music can convey emotion

Economy
Compact and brief

Pacing
Rythim and tempo

My Passion

My passion

When people ask me what my passion is, I don't know what to tell them. Of course I like many things, but I don't think they are my passions. A passion is something you never get tired of doing. Something that you need to find as you grow up. In my case, I haven't found what my passion is yet. You could say that I am "shopping for a passion".

I will tell you about the things I like. I live to do sports, especially volleyball and tennis, I adore playing video games such as Fifa 12,and I like to spend time with my friends and family.

In this portfolio you will experience my works in school and my expedition to finding my passion.

Obstacles for My School

The main obstacles I see in our new school are the following:

• The student-teacher coordination will be tricky. Even if the student arranges the class beforehand, the teacher might not always be available 24/7 and that will limit the liberty of the "free schedule". 
• If, somehow, a class is not taken into consideration, a whole period of a day will be lost and the student will have to work after hours or in the weekends to solve that problem. 
• Irresponsible students will not have any classes planned for the day and, therefore, the whole purpose of responsibility and free schetules will be lost. 
• If a teacher is not available a day, the classes he/she programmed will be cancelled. 

3 Best Works of the Year

The first important project of the year was the Little Bird Tales in English. It consisted of writing a myth about a school problem and then post it in Little Bird Tales. This was a great project because it was one of the first assignments that required a Web 2.0 tool. I think this fact is what motivated me to do better. I was tired of pencils and paper so I was eager to use technology to show my show my work.

The next one was a Social Studies project in which we had to create Angient Roman baseball cards and some paragraphs describing which one is better. I think this was the best Social Studies project because it was the time I discovered the potencial of my iTouch. I did all this in Keynote for iPod Touch. What gave me motivation was the topic: Ancient Rome. Since I am very interested in this empire, I added a little more effort to the assignment.

The most recent major project I've had is a Spanish-Computers FIFA 12 proyect. I had to use a great variety of programs in order to complete that proyect. It was the best proyect because I mastered my use many important programs such as Adobe premiere Elements, iMovie, Excel. etc.  Also, I was greatly motivated by the fact that is was about FIFA 12, my favorite video game.

Portfolio Link

alejosamper.weebly.com